Choosing The Right Funeral Home

The Do's And Don'ts Of Attending A Wake At A Funeral Home

30 August 2016

Derek Murphy

Although many people know the general etiquette for attending a funeral, fewer know what to do at a wake. Also known as a visitation, the wake is the time when the body of the deceased is placed in a room of the funeral home, and the family members gather near the body and receive fellow mourners as they say their good-byes and see the deceased. It often takes place on the day or evening before the formal funeral, and it is less formal that the memorial service itself. Here are some of the most essential do's and don'ts that you should keep in mind when going to a wake.

Do Provide Words of Comfort to the Family

While some people who attend a wake tend to shy away from the direct family of the deceased, it's important to express your sympathy face to face. They may often be overwhelmed and in deep mourning, but your efforts to express support can be a big comfort. You don't have to say much, and you can't go wrong with simple condolences such as, "I'm so sorry for your loss."

Don't Offer Advice

If you knew the deceased well, it can be very tempting to offer advice about the upcoming funeral. It may even be tempting to suggest that people change an ill-fitting tie on the deceased or choose a better flower arrangement to feature near the body. The truth of the matter is that you do not know what is motivating the mourners to make the choices that they are making, and they may have very good reasons for doing things that seem weird to you at the time, so keep your opinions to yourself.

Do Smile and Laugh if the Family Is Doing So

Sometimes people laugh, joke, and tell funny stories at a wake. This happens more often than it does during a funeral. Since the wake is more casual and loved ones are all gathering in one place, stories are going to be shared. Laughter is often a part of that experience. Don't feel guilty for laughing at a wake as long as the family is setting the tone and showing that it's okay to do so.

Don't Go Against the Family's Wishes

If the family asked for donations to cause instead of flowers, don't show up with a big bouquet of roses because you knew they were the deceased person's favorite. That shows a direct disrespect for what the family wanted, and those wishes may have even come from the deceased before their death. Take the time to find out what the family wishes as far as sympathy gifts, then follow their requests.

Finally, keep in mind that the wake is a time where the deceased and their immediate family should be the focus. Make sure that anything that's shared or discussed at the wake ultimately goes back around to keeping them as the focus for the gathering. 

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