Choosing The Right Funeral Home

Don't Let An Obituary Cause Family Conflict: Tips For Writing A Loved One's Obituary

8 September 2016

Derek Murphy

If you have been charged with writing the obituary for someone close to you that has passed, you might find it to be a point of contention among family or loved ones. It is a big deal to write the obituary for someone and to try to capture the many characteristics and accomplishments of this individual in a few words. There are some basic tips that might help you create a fitting obituary, while not estranging others or causing family conflict.

Some guidelines to follow when writing an obituary include these suggestions:

Focus on the deceased. Keep the focus off of you as you write the obituary. It may seem tempting to refer to the deceased as your mother, father, or friend, but instead try to write from an objective viewpoint. Keep the focus on the person that has passed rather than those that are left behind.

Highlight their achievements. Make sure to mention the individual's achievements and things that brought them pleasure and pride during their life. This might be a job or profession, or it might be the fact that they raised a family. Mention things like the deceased's sense of humor, honesty, or integrity.

Put a positive spin on it. Don't dwell on the individual's death, but put more emphasis on their life. Most individuals that are close to the deceased will be informed or will inquire about the passing, but the obituary should outline the individual's contributions, accomplishments, and traits. Don't focus on the pain of the loss, but celebrate the life that they lived prior to their death.

Collaborate and compromise. Perhaps the best way to avoid conflict during these stressful times is to collaborate with other survivors regarding the obituary. Ask them to read it before it goes to print, especially if you want to be sure that you don't forget to mention someone or something that can cause hurt feelings later on. A death is a tough time and some family members might be particularly sensitive about the words that you use; try to be patient with them.

Don't let costs deter you. Some publications and newspapers can charge a lot for an obituary, especially if you are including a photo. Don't let the inflated costs deter you; check online resources for less-expensive options or to post your obituary via online versions of print publications. Don't forget that this is a final tribute to the deceased, and it is worth every penny to let the world know of their passing.

Get inspired to write your own! Save your own survivors and family the stress of writing your obituary when you pass by writing your own now. Tuck a print copy in your personal papers for use after your death, but be sure to update it every so often. Don't think of it as something unpleasant; instead, consider it an opportunity to write a mini-memoir of your life!

Leaving someone out of an obituary or failing to mention a milestone can cause conflict during a death as loved ones grieve. Try to use these tips to create an objective and accurate tribute to your loved one; also, make sure to provide it to other family members for their input before sending it to be published. Taking time to construct a fitting obituary may help to avoid potential conflicts and hurt feelings later on. 

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