Choosing The Right Funeral Home

4 Things You Should Never Say After a Suicide

28 September 2016

Derek Murphy

Tragically, suicide is the tenth leading cause of death in the United States of America, and an average of 117 suicides take place each and every day in this country alone. With how common suicides have become, you likely know someone who has lost a loved one to suicide. If this happens, how you respond is crucial to how effective you are at providing solace or inadvertently doing the exact opposite. Going to the funeral to offer your friend support is a great place to start, but be careful of what you say there. Here are four things you should never do when someone is coping with the loss of a loved one who has died by suicide.

Don't Surmise That You Know How Your Loved One Feels

Every loss is quite unique, and that can feel especially true after losing someone to suicide. When someone is attending a funeral, the wound will still be fresh. Resist the urge to try to comfort your loved one by trying to tell them that you know how they feel. Instead, convey your sympathy and concern without speaking about your own experiences with suicide.

Don't Say That the Person Is in Hell

This may seem like a common-sense thing to avoid, but it's fairly common when someone commits suicide. A lot of the world's religions condemn suicide and the person who makes the choice to kill oneself. No matter what your personal beliefs on the matter are, never suggest anything short of the hope that the deceased is resting in peace.

Don't Give Advice on How to Grieve

After someone commits suicide, the loved ones who are left behind may be feeling a great deal of anger. They may not be able to say anything loving about the person at the moment. Because funerals are usually held to celebrate the person who has passed away, it can be tempting to tell the person that they should put aside their rage in order to honor the positive memories, but that won't help them actually do so. Simply accept how the person is grieving and do your best to provide comfort at the funeral without judging that grief.

Don't Say the Person Is in a Better Place

After a suicide, it can be especially tempting to remark on how glad you are that the person is no longer suffering. That may very well be how you feel if you knew that the deceased suffered a great deal from a mental or physical illness. However, this kind of comment can be more harmful than helpful. There's no way to truly guess how the survivors of the suicide may be feeling, so keep your language supportive without making presumptions of any kind.

Finally, keep in mind that you may have a curiosity about the suicide that may not be satisfied. Oftentimes details about someone's suicide are not readily available, and the fact that someone has even committed suicide may be kept out of the obituary. Just accept the family's choices in this matter and avoid bringing such decisions up with them during this tough time. Err on the side of being too sensitive, and you will be on the right track with what needs to be said in the aftermath of a suicide.

For more ideas about how to behave in various funeral situations, consult the funeral home before attending the funeral.

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